I'm horrible.

I'm officially seventeen!! I can totally read that magazine now, HAHA. Just kidding, I hate girl magazines. So today was pretty okay. I went out to breakfast and later had Japanese food for dinner. Go, me! And I got twenty dollars from my aunt and yeah, a hundred from my parents, not counting my allowance, go me! So I feel loaded. Just kidding, but I'm better than I was before.

So New York/Pennsylvania is in a few weeks, like two weeks. I can't wait, I'm super excited. I'm going to get my hair cut in Scranton. Whoa!! Exciting and nerve wrecking.

I have to go to church by myself tomorrow, well not really, it's the whole congregation, I just meant Mae and Grace aren't going. I think this is the first time I'm doing this. But I love FCBC. Plus, I get to see all the graduates. AKA All The Cool People. That's cool.

So I've been flowing with creative ideas lately. I'll put them in paper later. I mean, they probably won't be as cool. What am I listening to? Oh yeah, The Rentals.

I got to see Gaby at her job. She's so pretty, I love that girl. She's like, the coolest cousin ever. I didn't even expect to see her, so that was fun. It sucks, I can't hang out with her tomorrow because I have to go to church. But I like church, so that's okay.

I'm listening to the AP podcast and it's the one about Motion City Soundtrack and whatever they're saying is so good. It's like, they really are good lyrically. I think that's why I like them so much. I like to listen to them not because they have catchy tunes but because their lyrics really bring me to them.

So this little kid said hi to me. I think he was bored. HAHA. It's cool, usually kids don't like me. Maybe it's because I'm weird. I don't know what to wear tomorrow. Ugh, I have to pick and choose and take off this nail polish because I hate red.

I haven't read in a long time. But from what I started of Miracle at St. Anna, I like it. I really do. Seriously. I've been really sleepy and I'm getting too old. HAHA.

Weird.

So I have like whatever news. I'm just bored and I like writing.

I finally finished Ken Ham. It was good. I enjoyed that guy, a lot. He's pretty smart. I mean, he gives valid reasons. He gives proof that's in the scripture why evolution is not real. I think I learned a lot. I could probably have a decent conversation about it.

I miss Mae and Grace. I bet they're enjoying themselves. I hope they are. And I hope they're learning a lot too. So I guess I'm just writing because I have no one to talk too. HAHA. I'm not going crazy.

So here, back on earth I think I'm going crazy. Just kidding. But in all seriousness I'm almost done with the book of Luke. And I'm going to start a book title Everyone Can Know and it's based on the gospel of Luke. Which is cool. I mean, when my memory serves me right. So I decided I'm going to memorize Psalm 5. But I need to have memory exercises.

I finished Invisible Monsters yesterday and can finally start Frankenstein and do my summer reading. Invisible Monsters had a good message. I mean Shannon went from hating her brother to giving up everything for him. That's sweet. I love my brother too.

Speaking of my brother, I can't wait until I drive so I can take him to Calvary Chapel South Bay to that ministry they're starting. I wish I could volunteer. But I have to be eighteen. One more year and two days. Yess!

Speaking of volunteering, I'm going to be volunteering at the Long Beach World Trade Center! In the the third floor. Come visit. If you want.

I haven't done exercises in forever. I need to. PFFT. I'm hungry. So lately all I do is eat and sleep and read. I needed that volunteer job. Since I can't get a real one.

I watched Zodiac again. The three lead actors are amazing. Now I know why Downey was casted for Iron Man. Seriously not only do I love that movie, I can watch it over and over and still laugh and get spooked. But everything scares me so I don't know if that should count.

I love my mom. I hope she gets me driving lessongs. Just saying. And there's been talk about an iPhone if we switch to AT&T. But I'm poor and technologically inept, so I don't think so.

I just noticed I love the Format and I want them to come back together at once.
Ugh.

Movie and other stuff.

Don't ever watch Material Girls. Ever! Worst use of money, ever! It's like they just grabbed millions of dollars and put them through the shredder. Not only is the acting horrible, but so is the script writing. That's just sad. The acting is so bad it's funny. Seriously. I mean, I actually think this is how the Duff sisters live. I wasted hours of my life watching this. I secretly wished that an earthquake would come and turn that TV off. Waste of time and money that could have been used to actually make a difference in this world.

Next time you decide to go on YouTube, make sure you don't look or sound like, horrible. Some people just need something to do.

I agree that the movie The Rocker doesn't look like it'll be any good, but so did Hot Rod. And Hot Rod is sooo much better than perverted Superbad. So I'm going to give The Rocker a chance because Rain Wilson is in it and I love anyone that has participated in The Office, except for the man that plays Todd Packer. Ugh! That guy's a perv too.

On my life:

It turns out my mom has TWO tumors instead of one. And cancerous? We weren't told and we didn't ask. By we, I mean my mom. So she still needs to be called by her surgeon and such. One tumor is as big as a grapefruit. That one is probably the biggest. But God is good. He heals and does well.

So, that Max Bemis. He's like another Rivers Cuomo, but not really. He is cute.

Listen to Say Anything, please.

I just got a flashback about the Promise Ring. Man, I love that band.

I think I'm going to write a will on how I want my funeral to go. The songs I want played and all that cool junk. I want the songs Yellow, The Scientist, Talk, Til Kingdom Come, Fix You and Swallowed in the Sea by Coldplay. I want the songs Even if it Kills Me, Indoor Living, the Conversation by Motion City Soundtrack. Hey Jude by the Beatles. I want I Can Only Imagine, Blessed Assurance, Come Thou Fount, How Can I Keep from Singing and Amazing Grace. Photograph and Island in the Sun by Weezer. Everlong by Foo Fighters. The Town that You Live In by Sherwood. Clarity and Bigger than My Body by John Mayer, for sure. What if by Jadon Lavik. That's all I can think of. So after I'm dead, please pick and choose.

Too tired to play pretend.

Awesome lyrics by Mr. Justin Pierre. Brilliant man.

Anywayyyy, I'm so tired and my memory fails. So I'm attempting to finish The Lie: Evolution, but I found some typos. I think the editor has to be more careful. I'm sure those mistakes were NOT intended. Overall it's a pretty good book, it explains things very well and includes biblical references. There are more things Ken Ham speaks of that aren't very clear. I guess you just have to own the tapes he speaks of. I am very close to finishing this book.

I finished Mark today. Finally. I had been distracted for two days, I hope this doesn't happen when I'm Kara's this Sunday/Monday. But I liked it. A little less descriptive than Matthew, but it's God's word and I appreciate it. I mean, it's good because I get to recall and learn things about Jesus' ministry and life. I get to see God's hand in all of this.

I've been learning a lot. Last night's fellowship was so good and intense. It was about the Holy Spirit. I really think that something else inside of me clicked. It was fun seeing all these kids again. My little brother Ron is officially a high school freshman. I feel old. It's okay.

Spending the night in the Lubaton home was fun. I loved it, and we had France and Andre with us. I got fed and overall felt very welcomed. Yess! Manong Paul said Kara offered to have us over tomorrow night. That should be fun. I love that lady.

Mae will be leaving soon. Aww. I'll miss her. A lot. She'll have fun. For sure. I love that kid. So she's going to go and volunteer. I'll have Grace over so she won't feel so alone. I'll prepare something for us.

Prayer Night was awesome, I got to learn a lot more about our church members. And got to pray with a lot of them.

It irritates me that my uncle has the key to our house.

My mom's CAT-Scan was today. It was very short and we'll have a call four to five days from now telling us how it went. I'm still praying that it's nothing too bad. We definitely need her. I need her. And she still has a very important decisions to make and I hope she hasn't made it yet. God changes people. I know.

Let it Be is such an amazing song. It's all like melodramatic and such.

Invisible Monsters is a very peculiar book. Good book. I mean, he isn't as obscene as Kurt Vonnegut. The story skips from different scenes of the main character's life. It's not bad at all. It keeps you interested. I'm just hoping to finish it soon because I have to do my summer reading!! Ahhh. I officially promise myself to begin my summer reading in July. That sounds good.

So my birthday is next weekend and I think I found something I want. It's this homemade wallet on the etsy.com website. Whooo.

I think that's it for today. Oh yeah, I miss Belinda. I want her to come over sometime.

Another day.

So my search for a job has started. Tomorrow, God-willingly, I will go downtown to that pizza place I saw that was hiring. I'm nearly seventeen (in ten days) so I think I'd be a little more suitable. I have some experience. I've worked in offices and one of those jobs included office AND people. So I think I'm good with people. Plus, I would like tips. I don't know, I just need a job. Start saving up so I can move away. Quickly!

I'm bothered by the thought that certain people might be looking and even read this. My thoughts are wrong and there don't make sense. I mean, they make perfect sense to me, I'm just afraid others won't understand what I am trying to convey. But I'm using this for writing practice. I'm just practicing the release of my thoughts.

Right now I feel pretty hungry, I should not eat after nine.

Listening to Hellogoodbye's If You Wanna. . .I might actually brings me a sense of nostalgia. A lot of music has been doing that for me lately. When I listen to Nirvana, Blink 182, Green Day. Things like that make me thing of freshman year, middle school. And it does not help that I still cannot believe it's the year 2008. It just does not seem logical. Has time passed by this quickly? The old red steps I played in outside my former house has turned into a desk full of books and papers that have yet to be finished. Projects undone and scripts left for a better idea.

All this time is passing by and I just can't seem to make it come to a halt. Life before today seems like a dream. I find myself thinking about my lack of memory. I thought this wasn't supposed to happen after I reached my thirties. But reading Invisible Monsters I learned this, "You can't base your life on the past or the present."

So I have to think of the futures and what it holds. I have to hope and pray that my future will always be better than my past. We can't always talk about the past, because it's already happened and already made. The future is yet to be written. You can paint that in whatever way you please.

I hope that my future will have a wiser and smarter Xiomara. I hope I become more wise in the things of God. I hope to help and achieve and glorify.

On another note:
I was reading AbsolutePunk.net and I've read Anton's posts for quite sometime. That man is brilliant. His writing brings a sort of humor that you understand if you are paying attention. Kind of like The Office. (Gosh, I love that show.) In his last blog he was analyzing and criticizing "scene queens". He has also explained the term Myselfism. Quite interesting. But most of all, I find his words to be true.

Seeing emo kids and emo bands is not quite something I enjoy seeing. I can't go to shows because people there are wearing the same clothes the band is. How am I supposed to know who is who? Last December I was able to Motion City Soundtrack on tour and Metro Station was touring with them. I mistook the Cyrus brother for another scene kid and asked for directions. It turns out there is no difference between him and the rest of the kids.

Another thing kids do, wear black. Woah, I wear black too. I wore black today! Johnny Cash style. But I mean the kids wearing the big-healed shows or the kids that walk around with dyed hair pretending they're hardcore. I wonder if they'll ever take pictures and look at them once they're grandparents. What will they tell their grandchildren? I don't know, it's just not me.

Another thing that gets me mad:
Is when people believe that people who come from other countries can learn English. It takes time. The English language is one of the hardest to learn. You can't say that someone that doesn't learn English is because they don't want to. That's being ignorant. You don't know the situation or the implications such people have.

Coming into a new country to better your way of life and to give your children, the people back at home a better chance through the money you earn, learning a new language would not be the first concern. Coming into a country of strangers and in a place where everyone is speaking something completely different than what you speak is a difficult thing.

I think people with this state of mind should learn what they talk about. I'm sure they have never tried what they are criticizing.

(This post was last part was actually meant for someone. It's just one of those things that were bothering me for a while.)

Too much rambling.

I have a lot to say today. So prepare to read. A lot.

What did I do today? I cleaned, but it looks like I didn't, already. My mom is on the verge of pigness. It looks worse than when I started. I showered and took care of my brother and left for Sears, Circuit City, Borders, Barnes & Noble and finally, Lowe's. (I hate Lowe's, but then again I dislike any hardware store.)

I bought three books, two which were for the summer reading, go me! (I'm doing it again!!) I bought Frankenstein by Mary Shelly, Miracle at St. Anna by James McBride and Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. The funniest guy worked at Borders. Ha ha. What else? I bought McDonald's but didn't get to eat it, boo me. I started the book of Mark and read a little by Ken Ham. I have a lot to read. Yay. It'll give me something to do.

I bought the Coldplay album, because it's amazing and it deserves to be bought, not illegally downloaded. I'm almost done with my birthday wish-list.

I am thinking of applying for a job I saw downtown. I can be a cashier/waitress. I don't mind. I guess I need money. I do plan to move out a couple of years from now. By couple I mean two to four years. But we'll see what God gives me.

My mom and I are having problems again. I guess it's my inability of communicating my thoughts and feelings. I have been dramatically trying to be a good daughter and I've been doing anything that would seem to please her, but I've failed. The feeling in my chest tells me I failed and there's nothing else I can do about it.

I've tried to keep any altercation to a minimum seeing how she is sick, but it has yet to work. I refuse to apologize until I feel it's genuine. I know she won't apologize and I have grown accustomed to this. It's sad but it's honestly how I feel and what I go through.

Wanted:
I think I'm watching that movie for my birthday. Yess! I'm 17, as in I can watch it now. Legally. Not that I would do anything illegally.

Until later.

A day out, a day in.

I am sure glad I can use Blogger as opposed to MySpace bulletins or the MySpace blog. Blogger is just so much better. I mean, it keeps things in order and lets me do what I have to do.

This year my resolution was to exercise at least three times a week. Six months into the year, and I am just starting now. Go me! Another resolution was to blog/write weekly events in my life in order to remember and in order to make writing more a habit. You know, I do want to be a journalist one day. So that's why I'm doing this. Creepy enough? (Maybe I should have a photo diary, but I didn't take pictures today.)

So what did I do today? Today I biked to Shanae's house which is no were near my house. Which means I biked across the bridge and nearly got run over by some silver Mercedes at the crossing of Willow and Magnolia. Crazy people these days. Never again will I bike on that side of town. Driving up Shanae's street was so much better because it was peaceful and quite. I underestimated myself as I said I would get there in an hour, but I bet I'm pretty fast at biking because I was there in thirty minutes. (Or maybe it was the fear that made me speed.)

So we headed downtown and enjoyed ourselves. We talked. (It was mostly me.) And we ate at Extreme Pizza and walked downtown, into Borders and down to Shoreline. I was exhausted. Definitely. I got my dad to pick me up so I wouldn't die on the way back home. From now on I'll only bike as far as Magnolia and then bike back. I don't want to run into any more crazy people. The Post Office is good enough for me.

Did I mention I rode the metro? That's right. Be jealous. I rode it. And paid my good $1.25. Go me! I think I got a sunburn. I hate those. Shanae's mom was sweet as usual.

I was irritated towards the end of the day from walking and just exercising so much. I hadn't done that in forever.

So I came home and rested, showered. Did things like normal people. Then, I read the Obama speech. He makes some sense. Just some. I think he knows how to play his cards. I have to agree with some of the things he says, though. Read for yourself:
http://obama.senate.gov/speech/060628-call_to_renewal/

I read my Bible and I'm so happy I did. I feel so much more grateful the more I read. I'm officially done with Matthew and I'm on to Mark. Go me!

I find myself saying "Go me!" too much. Someone has to encourage me.

I don't miss school yet. I have to finish my community service hours since I lost my paper with 67 hours. I only have to do 29.5 hours. Maybe I'll go help some summer school teacher. Ugh, I hate school. I need a job to save up. Some day, (If I go to school in Boston.) I'm going to move out and I'll need money. A lot, at least to start out. So I've just been ranting on an on. Only because it's my first blog.

Has anyone heard the new Coldplay album? Viva la Vida is amazing!! Buy it, seriously, it's that good. When I get my first car that's the first album that's going into the CD player thing. It goes on sale tomorrow, officially. But the 98.7 website was streaming it. I wish I had a kind of British accent. I should go live in England for a year.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy my summer reading and Invisible Monsters at Barnes & Noble. I love that place!

Dan from Sherwood looks like a pretty swell guy. I am very excited to see what he writes for the new album.

I'm hungry.