Tired and sleepless.

I just have realized that I have not opened up this page in months. I have absolutely failed at any attempt to reconnect back to my imaginary world. I have lost my sense of writing. I have not written a thing for about one or two months. I am awkwardly tired and absolutely ready to sleep. Even if the necessity of sleep doesn't occur to me. I've learned a lot since the last time I've posted.

I've learned about the real people in my life. The people I want to keep and cherish. I mean, I do want to keep everyone. Everyone I see I want to see in heaven, but I mean the people I realize I can tell everything to. The people I realize I can come close to.

I now come to realize that not all things are easy. What I thought would be a simple piece of cake makes me shudder at the sight of it. I don't think I'm exactly ready to live the "grown up" life. I don't plan on getting married or engaged. I plan on staying pure and staying with the ones I love. In reality, the thought of college brings a deep fear into my entire being. The thought of being alone with people I don't know brings in the slow crawling of fear and I want to give up.

I refuse to allow myself to want to go to Boston. I tell myself I'm applying just so see what God wants done. Whatever he wants, I'm running for it. And if he doesn't want Boston, then it's out of my list.I don't want to think that I have to go to Boston, or that it's my dream college. I don't want to see my dream shatter before my eyes.

I refuse to see the only thing (my dream) I have left trampled on the floor.